When I say it’s been a rough week, I really mean a rough month – and that’s still a ridiculous understatement. I’m officially four weeks done with class. It’s an odd idea and I don’t understand how that can be. One on hand, I can’t believe I’m already 25% done with my last semester of college ever. On the other, I can’t believe it’s only been four weeks. One month ago I was still at Lands’ End. Everything seemed like it was falling into place and it was all so clear.
I was wrong.
I was naive.
I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I don’t know if I’ll have a job when I graduate. I don’t know if I’ll have a job six months after I graduate. I don’t know if I’ll graduate with honors. I don’t even know if I’ll pass all of my classes at this point.
This isn’t me exaggerating. It’s honesty. As much as I like to act like I have my shit put together, I really don’t. It’s a truly awful combination of annoyance and frustration when everyone reassures you that:
“Everything is going to be okay.”
“You’ll definitely get a job. You’ve worked so hard.”
“You always get stressed and make it through – this time is no different.”
“God will put you where you’re supposed to be.”
None of that helps. You don’t know it’s going to be okay. You don’t know I’ll get a job. Maybe my hard work was for nothing. This time is completely different. Not only am I taking 19 credits, but I’m also a TA – and working a part time job. And working for the University. And looking for a job. And trying to see as many people as possible in between that I may very well never see again once I leave this state. And for the record– bringing God into it doesn’t make this any less scary or any easier to get through.
Fortunately, I have some really excellent friends who are keeping me from [completely] burning out. It’s hard to keep your sanity (clearly) when you have literally no downtime. I’ve been having to focus on me from time to time throughout the week to try to de-stress in anyway possible. On Monday, I went to the gym with Emily. On Wednesday, I treated myself to a Pumpkin Chai (although they didn’t put the pumpkin in it, and it actually made my day worse). Yesterday, I took some fun pictures on campus with Mary and ate cheesecake with my former roommate, McKenzie. Today, I’m blogging, because it truly is a de-stresser for me.
The thing I love about my friends – the really good ones – is that they know when I need a pick me up. I don’t need to say anything – or hardly look at them – and they just know. Yesterday when I was taking my blog pictures with Mary, she just knew. So she got me to do ridiculous things. Like attempt climbing a tree. And nearly twerking for all of campus to see. It was only ten minutes of my day, but it instantly improved my mood. If it weren’t for these little bits of stress relief, I’d be going completely insane.
For my tree-climbing adventures, I was rocking my all-time favorite pair of skinnies from Gap. I threw on my recent shoe obsession (also from Gap), a simple tee, and some bold jewelry to hit the campus.
Okay, that got a little real, real fast. But the tree was pretty legit, right?
Until next time –